Not perfect, just bearable
by JustDreamIfYouCan'tDoAnything
Summary: AU- The bullying isn't the reason Kurt leaves McKinley. It's Blaine. Blaine, who has given him everything. Blaine, who has caused him to die. Warnings: Cutting not graphic , suicide, Jerk!Blaine. Terrible summary, but let me know what you think :


Hello everyone! This isn't a particularly happy story at all, and the ending sucks, but I hope you like it!

AU- The bullying isn't the reason Kurt leaves McKinley. It's Blaine. Blaine, who has given him everything. Blaine, who has caused him to die.

Warnings: Cutting (not graphic), suicide, Jerk!Blaine.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

* * *

Kurt Hummel had never had it all. He had never been at the so-called "top" of high school. He had never been able to express his love in public. He had never dreamt of getting out of Lima, because he knew that he couldn't. But then he met one Blaine Anderson, and everything changed.

"Maybe it's McKinley that's bringing you down, Kurt. You can do so much better than that. You can do better than a forced kiss in the locker rooms. You deserve more than that; you deserve Dalton." Blaine's twistedly kind words, spoken in the small coffee shop, reflected the bullying and the sadness I had been feeling whilst at McKinley.

_But looking back at them, they weren't words of kindness- they were sly, persuasive words to get me to transfer to Dalton. To get me to fall for Blaine._

But back then, I didn't know this. He showed interest in me, he was gay- and out. That was a massive improvement and he made me feel so special; he made me feel like I actually meant something. Nobody had made me feel like that before- I mean, Mercedes and Tina tried their hardest but they couldn't make me feel the way Blaine did. Accepted, happy, dare I say it... loved?

So I did it- I transferred to Dalton and got into the Warblers. The guys there were nice and the Warblers were amazing- just really serious and formal. It was really different to McKinley. I didn't have to scream to be heard, and at first, when I did, Blaine looked at me like I was such an embarrassment- like I was bringing down his reputation. I just shook it off as me interpreting him wrong.

_Little did I know, that I was, and what I saw in his eyes was the truth._

Although Dalton had a very different atmosphere to that of my past school, added to the fact that I wasn't as happy there, but it did wonders for the rest of my life. I could walk down the halls holding hands with who I loved. I had dreamt of going to New York, NYADA or Parsons and becoming famous. I was part of the Warblers, which made me like a rock star. I was at the top. And on top of all of that, I had Blaine. Beautiful, perfect, Alpha Gay Blaine. Who ruled the school. Who had given me all of this. Who had given me happiness. Who I should be eternally grateful for.

So why wasn't I?

Why wasn't I insanely happy that I was loved and cherished and envied?

Because I wasn't happy, that's why. I had begun to see the cracks in this façade of happiness. I had noticed that when Blaine walked down the halls, everyone either looked like they wanted to jump him or they were incredibly scared of him. I had noticed that the Warblers only considered my suggestions if Blaine backed me up. I had noticed that people sneered at me in the corridors when Blaine wasn't around. I had heard the whispers of "you don't deserve him" as I walked out of a classroom.

As well as all that, I had noticed that Blaine was becoming more distant. That he was spending more and more time on "homework", but when he got his grades they were continually getting lower. But what concerned me the most was the continuous mention of this boy... this Alex. All his recent calls where from him and to him. He was the new kid, just transferred from West Lima High.

He looks a bit like me. He was so into Blaine, it was really obvious.

And my gaydar was going crazy.

And Blaine was obviously into him too.

Because he didn't notice me fading away from him.

He didn't notice the locked bathroom door when he came to visit.  
He didn't notice his missing razors and that I wouldn't be intimate with him anymore.  
I begun to think to myself, what would he notice happening? What would anyone notice happening?  
Certainly no one noticed that I winced when they would touch my arm, even lightly.  
No one missed the absence of my requests and ideas for the next competition.  
My dad didn't miss the tank full of petrol I stole from the workshop.  
Blaine didn't notice the lighter that I snuck from his pocket.

But they did notice when they couldn't get into the choir room.

They noticed that they couldn't get into the choir room because a certain Kurt Hummel was in there.

They noticed that I was in there, in shorts and a vest that displayed the array of cuts that were scattered on both arms and on my thighs. They noticed that I was crying hysterically. Blaine, though, seemed to only look embarrassed and there was a slight sneer on his face. That slight sneer is what pushed me over the edge.

"YOU!" I shouted at him. "YOU! YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS! You got me to transfer, convinced me that it was for my own good, made me fall for you. You gave me this false sense of security, made me think that everyone liked me, when it turns out that was only because you told them to! And now that I've been spoiled and broken, you've moved onto Alex!" I stopped to take a breath and to look at Blaine and see how he was reacting to my outburst.

Blaine looked embarrassed and annoyed that his flaws had been pointed out. I decided to go on anyway. "You see this?" I asked him, pointing at the scars on my arms and legs. "You did this." My voice had gone scarily quiet, the room was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. "You know what you did as well? This."

Blaine's eyes turned to the floor, where the tank of petrol was knocked over. I could literally see when he realized that the petrol was why no one was entering the room. Everyone knew that petrol on it's own wasn't dangerous, so he looked to me in confusion.

"Confused?" I smirked at him. "Let me clear that up for you, this is why no one is entering." Blaine's eyes flickered to the lighter in Kurt's hand that he hadn't noticed before. "Now that you've finally noticed me, I'll show you why we're all gathered here." With this final sentence, Kurt flicked the lighter on and let it drop to the puddle of petrol on the floor.

I laugh at everyone's expressions. "What's your problem?" I say. "It looks like you've seen someone die!" With one final laugh, my face started to contort to pain. The flames licked up my legs until they reached the clothing there. "Goodbye everyone" I say, "I'll miss you all. But not you, Blaine. I'll never miss you anymore." I submitted to the flames and crumpled on the floor.

Everyone stands there in shock until the flames die out. They all know that they should've called an ambulance. But no one did. Because all of what Kurt had said was true. They realised that their so called leader was a horrible person, and in unison they all turned to Blaine.

"Asshole."

"I can't believe you would do that."

"You heard him, it's all your fault that he killed himself."

* * *

_A week later_

* * *

There was an air of distrust in the air and it was all directed towards Blaine. He had fallen from the top down to the very bottom of the social pyramid. Even Alex had seen Blaine for what he was. A selfish asshole.

Word of Kurt's little display had spread like wildfire around Dalton and to Kurt's parents, who had taken Kurt's ashes and moved a few states to escape Dalton and Blaine.

Blaine had never quite been the same again. Being the cause of someone's death, it just does something to you.

Blaine couldn't do anything to make it any better, so he lived the life of Kurt and transferred to McKinley, where he was subjected to slushies, dumpster tosses, locker slams, being insulted and being afraid of who he was.

Looking back on his life, Kurt didn't seem happy. Even though he hated Blaine for what he did, he couldn't stay angry for long. Which is why, when Blaine was sitting with his back to a tree to escape the bullies, a pure white feather landed on Blaine's lap. It read 'I don't forgive you. But I accept that it wasn't your fault. Stay calm.' In Kurt's beautiful handwriting.

Life for Blaine wasn't perfect after that, but it was bearable.

Not perfect, just bearable.

-ends-

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So, what did you think? Please review and all those fun things you can do :)


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